Monday, May 25, 2009

Playing Your Cards Right

Word of the Day: Concur- 1. to have or express the same opinion. 2. to act together. 3. to happen at the same time.

Hey guys. Okay, well today a good friend of mine (my bestfriend actually) told me that my blogs were really boring to read. I guess writing about school dances and favorite classes are not the most exhilerating things to read about, and I realized that I was having no fun blogging. I was blogging because it was part of my routine, and as of today that will change.

I had planned out exactly what I would write about for everyday up until August on a microsoft word document on my laptop. Well, I have erased that and now plan on blogging about whatever I feel like for that day. No schedule, no routine, no microsoft word, no obligation. I'm really sorry if up to this point you guys have been bored with my blogging. I promise that will change today.

Playing Your Cards Right:

On May 6, 2009 my boyfriend Sean decided to break up with me. We had been going out for exactly 7 months and 26 days, and up until then we had been very happy. He led me on all day and even invited me to go to church with him that very evening. With his dad waiting in the drive way, he walked me to my front porch and played his first card. "Hey, we need to talk about something," he said to me in a quiet, but serious voice. Oh this is going to be TONS of fun, I remember thinking to myself.

I hate when guys play the "we need to talk" card. It basically sets a negative presedence for the rest of your night because ladies, we all know what card will be played next. Can you guess it?

"I think we're better off as friends." We're you right? I remember thinking back to all the stupid promises he had made to me about never breaking my heart and about being able to lay everything out on the table with him. When I first got involved with Sean, I was very cautious about giving my heart away again, only to have it ripped out of my chest and stomped on. Sean reesurred me that I could trust him, and that he would only break up with me if I became a constant smoker/ drinker, or if I cheated on him. My only regret is, that I beleived everything he said. I clung to his every word as though they were the very things keeping me from falling apart.

When he played this second card, I pleaded with him, dropping to my knees asking him why he was doing this; why after almost eight months of being in a solid relationship he would end it all in a mere five minutes. He didn't budge, or show any emotion, any expression of sorrow or regret. Instead he was straight-faced, and focused on the task facing him now.

He left me crying on my doorstep, my heart and ribs throbbing with pain. The inevitable "ball in your throat" and head-ache. The tears washing away that day's eyeliner and mascara, and the weakness I felt all throughout the rest of my body, as I lifted my self up off the cold brick steps and into the house.

My bestfriend Samm, my adoring mother, and very concerned little sister stayed by my side the whole night, armed and ready with rolls of toilet paper, glasses of water, and the traditional "he was never good enough for you anyways" remarks. I will never forget the pain that racked my body that night and somewhat into the next day.

There will always be a special place for Sean in my heart as long as I shall live. I learned from my parents that losing your first love is one of the hardest break-ups you will ever have to endure. Teenagers face these heartbreaks daily. It hurts knowing that so many girls and guys experience the same pain, and heartbreak that I had to endure.

I guess it all has to do with playing your cards right. Being true to yourself and not letting anyone influence you other wise. Making sure you know what you want before you go looking for it. There is no hurry to get involved in relationships. My parents have tried to tell me for the past three years and I didn't beleive them until that day.

Girls, guys, please take my advice and don't jump into anything. Know what your standards are and do not be willing to compromise on anything that is important for your next girlfriend or boyfriend to have. No one likes to be dumped, but in the end, once you haved cried until the point of not being able to cry anymore, you'll see how much time you wasted worrying over this. I have crossed that bridge. It will be a whole new beginning; a clean slate.

Haha, actually I am dating my bestfriend now. I didn't go looking for him, he surprisingly came to me. Now we're taking it really slow, just getting to know each other and he is taking me out to the movies sometime this week:)

Well there's an update on my confusing and ever changing love life haha. Hope you enjoyed!

Yours Truly,



  1. Yeah,

    So glad to see that you are back to your writing style. You write so well and it helps to heal as well. Sometimes when we write it gives us an outlet to share things we feel we can't share, and it begins to build up. This is the perfect place to let go.

    Plus you are helping others through the process as well.

    Love and Hugs ~ Mom

  2. I enjoyed your posts even then, but I think I'm starting to see the "real you" behind these words you just posted. And that's what makes it interesting! Thanks for sharing that intimate moment of your life. Never easy but from those pain, God heals and sometimes, makes you discover, years later, that the "best treasure you thought you had was not really the best at all." He is a Giver of good things and I'm glad that you are on the right track to recovery and meeting new friends and hopefully, discovering there is this boy you haven't noticed before who truly loved you in all ways. God bless you and keep writing. What's boring to others don't mean it's boring for some. You have an awesome mom!

  3. Hey "Miss Queen!" C'mon over my site and get this award I want to share with you. Keep blogging! God bless :)

  4. Delighted to meet you! Found your site through the award that you won. Sweetheart, as a mom I know that your heart is sore, but God has beautiful plans to make it soar. Hold onto Him, Give Him your heart, He's the best one to give it away.

    Hugs from this missionary mommy,
    Sarah Dawn

  5. Hang in there, Craisin. It gets a little better every day. Sooner or later, you'll find that special One.